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Even though the company I worked for knew what he did, they kept him hired on and I had to quit my job.It was no longer the job that I knew, day in and day out, for over six years.

They could not believe that I was doing this to him (by reporting it), or that I would "ruin" his life.

And then turned around in the same conversation to say how "messed up" they still are from it.

What I have learned in experiencing both has hurt me deeply to my core.

I am disgusted and sickened, not just as a victim of a horrific crime, but as a human being.

To wake up one day, as an adult, and realize that you are no longer in the driver seat of your life and have no control over your capability to perform normal every day tasks, is not only a foreign reality but frightening one.

Instead, you are now someone who is unable to simply walk into work, clock in for 8 hours, perform your tasks, and clock out; all because it takes everything you have, to keep up with your body's natural reaction to trauma and to process all that is different in you, and your life. You have absolutely no way of forecasting when you will be back to "normal", nor do you realize at the time that your concept of normal is outdated because you will never be the same.Organized religions also affect this and both genders are guilty of it.The court's process and society mesh into one for me.The most hurtful of all were the women who were raped before, as they were challenged by me reporting it and by their demons about their own rape.Every single woman I knew who had experienced it (not that I had known that they were raped until they found out that I was) turned on me, blamed me, made up vicious lies about me in statements to the judge, and were willing to commit perjury on the stand by misconstruing things about my past and lying about things that had never happened in my life.These women, along with other coworkers of both sexes, would hold weekly "I hate Kathleen" meetings to plot how they were going to take me down in court.

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