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I’ve received my fair share of lewd attention during my online dating tenure to verify: It really is that bad. ” She gestures despairingly at the four men in front of her, archetypes of my generation in their hoodies, craft beer in one hand, i Phone in the other, with their untrimmed beards and general lack of ambition.

But I’ve noticed a new strategy among my set of female friends—lovely, intelligent, independent women—to combat the grime of the online dating world: date up. More and more women I know are dating men twice, yes , Anne Hathaway stands with Robert De Niro and a bunch of young male colleagues in a bar and draws a harsh comparison: “How in one generation have men gone from guys like Jack Nicholson and Harrison Ford to . I see what Hathaway means: Why put up with Tinder when there’s a whole generation of men out there who wouldn’t dream of using it?

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“I wasn’t trying to go back in time,” Gabrielle added at the end of our conversation.

“Nobody wants to go back to the 1950s, we just want to be treated with respect.” But there are downsides to large age disparities, and women in particular sacrifice a great deal when they make this choice.

My friend Gabrielle met her boyfriend at a restaurant opening. just clearly don’t care.” The stereotypes, she says, are true: Older men are attentive, they aren’t threatened by your career success, they didn’t grow up watching porn on their laptops, and they certainly don’t expect sex from you before you’ve even had a chance to meet.

They are twenty years apart, and they’ve been together for two. “I watch so many of my other friends agonize over text messages from guys who . It’s not an “old-fashioned” dating scheme, it’s just a more humane one.

Women “self-objectify” in profile pictures to get men interested, renouncing the “wrong idea” that they might want something more than a one-night stand.

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