Dating someone with less intelligence

She's not the first and hardly the only woman to express a similar sentiment: Some women need a challenge, a man who encourages her to be her fastest, smartest self.

"But he's not that smart," my friend admits, "and that might just be a deal-breaker."She's a hard-news reporter and Web producer who craves intellectual stimulus outside of her job.

When a guy can't keep up with her as she discusses the news, debates the merits of legal reforms, and cracks sarcastic, witty jokes, she notices that she immediately gets turned off.

Can such awareness be tolerated, and can it be avoided? The comparative value of the partner"Comparison is the death of joy.” Mark Twain In his excellent book, Passions within Reason, Robert Frank tells the following story about a woman who asked her colleague the following question: "Why is it that the people I fall in love with are never interested in me, whereas the ones who do fall in love with me are never the one I care about?

" Her colleague replied: "You're an 8 constantly chasing after 10s, and constantly being chased by 6s." How could this woman know that she is an 8 and not a 7 or a 10? Once you evaluate your partner to be inferior to you in an overall manner, you are faced with making a profound romantic compromise in terms of the partner's value as a person who exists independent of you.

"Granted, a lot of that was because he rubbed his genius in my face," she says.

After an experience like that, perhaps a silly partner who lets you be yourself and would rather discuss what movie you'd like to see than compare and contrast the Roman empire and feudal Japan feels more your speed."After dating a know-it-all-type, another 29-year-old woman needed a reprieve from conversations that were always mind-numbingly specific and intense—and left her feeling exhausted."My ex was so smart that he made me feel dumb," she says.When there is a dissonance between the one we are with and those we believe are feasible for us, we feel we are compromising and that we have got a raw deal.This negative attitude creates many difficulties in the relationship.This evaluation might also be made by other people and the results might be compatible, as they often are.

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