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A child with ADHD doesn’t know why she can’t do it and often begins to see herself as inadequate when continuously confronted with her shortcomings.

She is told time and again, “Sit still”, “Wait your turn”, “Don’t call out”, “Look at your mess!

Most of my adult clients tell me they’ve spent their lives feeling ashamed because they were unable to complete the tasks asked of them, couldn’t concentrate even when they wanted to, or just stood out as being the class space cadet.

Parents, teachers, coaches, and peers notice the ADD individual’s difficulty sitting still, following through, attending to what they are supposed to and they often comment on it.

After being criticized over and over for traits he has no control over, this often undiagnosed child starts to feel bad about not measuring up to other’s standards. For the most part, he’d like to please the adults around him but he can’t figure out how.

In this article, I’ll discuss messages ADD adults bring with them into relationships, ADD traits, and strategies for coping with relationships when one partner has ADD.

An adult with ADD or ADHD (I’ll be using the two terms interchangeably) grows up hearing many negative messages from others.

”, “You’d forget your head if it wasn’t attached to you! ” These messages which usually come from well-meaning but frustrated adults can be very harmful to the child’s sense of self.

Despite carrying this emotional baggage with him, an adult with ADD can be quite attractive to people he meets. He knows how to have fun and may show a wonderful sense of humor. An adult with ADD is often creative and sees new perspectives.The messages an adult with attention deficits often carries with her, as well as her ADHD traits greatly affect her relationships.Looking at both the positive and negative traits that come with ADD can help shed some light on how strongly relationships are affected.I’ve been amazed at how many times an obviously bright, articulate, and interesting ADD adult has sat in my office and told me that he thinks of himself as stupid.Frequently, a woman who I clearly believe is bright has spent years telling herself she is stupid because she can’t figure out why she can’t perform as well as others around her.“Don’t do it that way.” “Your way is wrong.” Many children and adults with ADHD can see novel or unique ways to approach a task.

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